Who I am and why, oh why, am I here?

Life is freaking scary when you have lived with other people your entire life and suddenly you find yourself ALONE.

When I was a child it was a full house, 5 kids with me as the oldest and my parents. From that time on I have always been living with someone. First my family, then a husband and children, divorce (another scary thing) and then it was me and my children. Another marriage, blended family then POOF! The kids are all grown and now another divorce and I am alone.

The funny thing is that there are so many other people out there like me that in our individual struggles with this new single condition we are the same. Many of us are fighting the same battles and are reaching out to others for help in dealing with life and the echoing emptiness of our homes.

But there is something else that I realized after many months of being alone. I now have FREEDOM. If I want to soak in the bathtub and read a good book there is nobody pounding on the door demanding my time and attention. For years everybody else came first before I could do anything for myself. The demands of being a wife and mother, dealing with breast cancer and juggling bills, a business, doctors, school meetings for the kids, etc., etc., etc.

Somewhere along the line I lost myself. Really lost myself. The dreams from when I was younger of being a writer, a painter, a computer programmer…….yeah I had a lot of interests when I was younger, all those dreams had disappeared. My high school teachers thought I should be all of the above (depending on which teacher you were talking to) but I gave up my dreams to support my first husband in his dreams and raise kids. Then the divorce and years of struggles, stresses, laughter and tears. A roller coaster of a life that sometimes had my therapists laughing and me crying.

Now I have hit Ctrl, Alt, Del. on my life and am rebooting the life computer. Everything is new and shiny and bright. Well, okay, so not everything but then life is what you make of it and I want to LIVE. I know I am not alone in this, there are so many other people out there just like me, starting over at 50. Maybe my experiences and views will help somebody even if it is just to make them laugh and brighten their day.

There is no map for this journey but it is all such a grand adventure that I am ready to get started. For years I have been gathering friends from all over the world via the internet and through real life meetings. Somewhere along the way I picked up the nickname of Grynnie (pronounced like grinny) and it is sticking rather well. So I am starting this new life as Grynnie and am off to seek adventure and shiny things.

Through this blog I hope to connect with others to share experiences, hopes and fears and laughter. Laughter is the glue that holds me together most of the time and brings brightness to gloomy days.

I am Grynnie, come with me on my journey.

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About Grynnie

I am a 50 something woman restarting her life with a new found sense of joy and freedom. Life is to be enjoyed and is a grand adventure. Who knows what will happen next? Oh yeah, did I mention that I have also been, a daughter, a mother, a wife (twice) but who is counting, an oyster opening jewelry maker, a nursing assistant, a legal secretary, a casino worker, a ski resort worker and a banker. No wonder I get a little confuzzled at times and get distracted by the shinies and fuzzies in the world while I am busy chasing rainbows. I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Oh, well you don't think I had all those jobs in the same place did you? I have lived in (takes a deep breath) California, Mississippi, Nebraska, Hawaii, California (again), Nevada, Utah, Texas, Missouri and am now back in California yet again.

Posted on September 16, 2014, in Life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I so relate to this post. I loved your ctrl alt dlt analogy….can’t wait to join you! I have fibro as well and am almost 42. Love your blog!

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