Dodging Bullets

Way back in 1994, I was told by a very nice doctor at a local Community Hospital, that I had three herniated disks in my back and would need surgery to correct the problem. Being a single mother and not a big fan of doctors and hospitals in general, I thanked him and walked out the door. I have been dodging the bullet ever since.

The problem with dodging bullets when it comes to your health is that one missed step puts you right back in the path of the bullet. You would think that anybody that managed to dodge bullets for nearly 20 years would be a wiz on the dance floor but hey, that would be silly given the condition of my back.

Back then I had been expecting the diagnosis since this wasn’t my first experience with a herniated disk. The first time around I had worked hard to get medical insurance and had a wonderful doctor named Disney who did magical work. ūüėÄ That time around it was nearly a year of agony wiped out nearly instantly, but it had only worked for about 3 years. One disk is not nearly as complicated as 3 so I soldiered on and continued to dodge the bullet.

This is something that women tend to do in their lives. They put their health on the back burner of life and rush around caring for their husbands, children, jobs, houses, pets…..well just everything but themselves.

Over the years I have had quite a few therapists that have helped me deal with all the issues life keeps throwing at me. One of them recommended a book called “When I say No, I feel Guilty”. I read the book, briefly tried to say no, then continued running around trying to make everybody else’s life easier and more comfortable while continuing to dodge those health bullets of my own.

I have had a lot of health bullets to dodge. A LOT. In my opinion my share of health issues seems to be abnormally large. Breast Cancer, Fibromyalgia, Costochondritis, Arthritis, Herniated disks, etcetera, etcetera. When you are dancing around trying to dodge that many bullets, you are bound to make a misstep and take one, especially if you have a bad knee to go with the bad back…..makes taking steps in general a little tricky.

All this dancing about dodging these bullets is tiring. Finally, I missed a step. Although over the years I have had more than one¬†rough patch dealing with my back I always managed to push it back and frankly some of the time it was just plain orneriness that kept me¬†from succumbing to the pain. I’ve learned to not stand too long in one position (like at the sink doing dishes) or to use the vacuum for any extended periods. Quite frankly there are a lot of things that must be avoided to dodge back bullets¬† and after 20 years I am an expert dodger……..kinda.

It happened innocently enough, a friend came down from Utah to visit me on his vacation and we spent a day playing tourist at Olvera Street in Los Angeles. He is a young guy and like many young guys he overcompensates with his vehicle. He has what I call a Monster Truck, one of those 4 wheel drive trucks that is jacked up to the sky and is impossibly difficult to get into and out of for us less than limber oldsters. We drove and bounced from my place in the desert to Los Angeles and I felt the first twinges of a less than happy back. We parked the Monster in the parking lot at Union Station and I stared down at the ground so very far away and jumped.¬† Holy crap, I stuck the landing and jolted both my back and my knee. Then we¬†proceeded to walk from there to Olvera Street and Chinatown for lunch………and then we walked back.

By¬†the time we reached Monster at the end of the day,¬†I was on my 3rd dose of the heavy narcotics that my doctor prescribes for my various ailments. Refusal to take my meds for pain is a common thing with me. I fear becoming “addicted” rather than depending on them for relief from the otherwise crippling pain. So for me to take¬†3 of them before the day is done is quite unusual.

Suffering from fibromyalgia as well has taught me that there are good days and bad days and that I, as well as many others with fibro, have a tendency to over do things when¬†I have the rare good day. This had started not as a good day, but not terrible either. But the walking, oh all that walking………not the smartest thing I have done. I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want to have a 50 something body that feels like it is 80, but I do.

When I overdo my day (like going grocery shopping) I know that I will most likely have to spend the following day in my recliner or in bed. It is what it is. Since my friend was leaving the following day to head back up to Northern Utah, I powered my way through his visit and laughed and had fun all the while saying to myself “Oh Shit!” really, it was like a mantra in my head……….Oh shit, shit, shit………walk, walk………..shit, shit, shit.

Four days after he left I was still in bed. Every step was agony, sitting in my recliner resulted in numbness down both legs and sitting on the toilet practically made me cry. That bullet finally caught up with me.

It has now been a few months since the bullet hit. I have been x-rayed and scanned, both an MRI and a bone scan. I have a very nice surgeon who is proposing that I undergo a laminectomy on my back but not before I undergo a new therapy for strengthening my bones. You see the bone scan revealed that while I was dodging the other health bullets, my bones were busy disintegrating. Not all of them, just my left hip and lower spine (eye roll).

As a last hurrah before I begin treatment on my disintegrating bones in January, I am going to travel across the country, dodging more bullets and making more memories. Because I am a woman and that’s what we do, we soldier on and dodge the bullets life shoots at us.

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About Grynnie

I am a 50 something woman restarting her life with a new found sense of joy and freedom. Life is to be enjoyed and is a grand adventure. Who knows what will happen next? Oh yeah, did I mention that I have also been, a daughter, a mother, a wife (twice) but who is counting, an oyster opening jewelry maker, a nursing assistant, a legal secretary, a casino worker, a ski resort worker and a banker. No wonder I get a little confuzzled at times and get distracted by the shinies and fuzzies in the world while I am busy chasing rainbows. I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Oh, well you don't think I had all those jobs in the same place did you? I have lived in (takes a deep breath) California, Mississippi, Nebraska, Hawaii, California (again), Nevada, Utah, Texas, Missouri and am now back in California yet again.

Posted on September 24, 2014, in Health and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Your journey with the bullet (the word you used bullet, which hit the fighter) and as a fighter you will manage it.

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