Day Three – 100 Day Challenge
For my third day of my 100 Day Challenge I wanted to do something involving color and my gardening together. When I was planting my cactus and succulent pot the other day I noticed that the majority of empty pots and containers for planting were either plain terra cotta pots or rather dull looking plastic pots in dark green or flat black……bleh…boring. I have several different plant stands outside made of wrought iron painted the typical black and one painted white…….again boring.
I love color. Bright BOLD colors My kitchen counter is black, as is my sink but my small appliances are bright and cheery and the revolving utensil stand is filled with spoons and spatulas made of all the colors of the rainbow. The bright splashes of color make my eyes happy. When I walk in my kitchen and start using my utensils I feel happiness. Color me happy!
I have a small wrought iron pot holder in a flat ugly black but it is in the shape of a cute little chair. Some of the paint had worn off and rust was poking it ugly head through the paint so I decided my boring terra cotta pot and flat black paint are going to go. I put on my gardening clothes (you know, the old t-shirt with holes and a pair of shorts) and got to work.
When I moved back to California a few years ago from Missouri, my wonderful mom had raided my step-father’s workshop and gathered together stuff she thought I might need in the house that I am buying from them. She packed in paint brushes, tools, screening materials, a saw, a rake, a shovel, well you get the idea. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. I remembered that there was a box that had several cans of spray paint out there somewhere in my garage. I braved the dark corners of the workbench and it’s resident black widow spiders and found a can of spray paint in a lovely aqua.
If you want something to last you have to put a little effort into it. That goes for life as well. I first scrubbed the dirt off the little chair and then spent some time sanding off the rust that had settled in. All of that takes time and all the while my mind is considering how life is a lot like that little rusty chair. In our fast paced society we are coming to expect instant gratification for too many things. We want our food NOW so we jump in a car and drive through a fast food establishment and sometimes don’t even take the time to sit down and eat there, we are in such a rush that we eat while we drive, always multi-tasking in our efforts to get what we want and get it now. The younger generation takes for granted their possessions and the technology that is handed over to them and are rarely found doing any kind of manual labor to achieve the things they want. It too easy to run out and buy something new and shiny (and usually plastic) to replace the old and rusty rather than to put some work into it and make the old into something new.
All this need for instant gratification results in a certain numbness to the journey. We hook ourselves up with wireless headsets so that we can make phone calls while we drive, we use our computers while we watch TV and more and more you see families in restaurants devoting their time to small electronic devices instead of talking to each other. As I continued to sand my little chair and then paint it I realized that I too had been spending far too much time glued to my computer instead of actually doing things.
The process of cleaning, sanding and painting the little chair took a bit of time as I also took time between coats of paint to soak and then scrub some small pots to use for the following day’s project. I felt happy to be doing this little project but as I sanded and painted I also became even more aware of the things that had been taken away from me by my body’s limitations. I was exhausted and the position I had to stand in to spray paint the chair was causing my back issues to kick in. Pain was radiating down both legs and my right foot was starting to go numb.
Fibromyalgia together with my herniated disks and my chest pains has kept me in bed on many beautiful days and sometimes the depression takes over and frustration sets in. I have no control over these things other than to take medications to hold the worst of the pain back and to avoid positions that cause extra pressure on my damaged back but I can do my damnedest to keep it from beating me. Creating something new from my old rusty pot holder made me feel GOOD emotionally. That feeling of accomplishment helps me to combat the feelings of helplessness that come with battling my health issues.
Quite frankly the activities of the day exhausted me to the point that when I was done with the painting of the little chair and I sat down to write this I fell asleep in my recliner with my laptop on my lap. Due to the disks in my back I can no longer sit at a desk or even sit comfortably in most chairs. People that suffer with fibromyalgia have problems sleeping, getting a “good night’s sleep” is a rare occasion for me so I am often exhausted even when I have just woken up. Too often in the past I have pushed myself to do whatever it took to accomplish different tasks and in the end all I did was hurt myself. I am now giving myself permission to be human and rest when I need to rest instead of trying to be Superwoman. I sometimes wonder if women are the ones that are more likely to have fibromyalgia than men because of our habit of rushing to take care of everyone and everything before taking care of ourselves. I am trying very hard to put my body’s needs ahead of what my habitual tendencies are so instead of pushing even harder to finish this blog post on the day that I did my little project I gave myself permission to SLEEP.
It is now the following day, I accomplished my creative task of making a beautiful little chair pot holder and will now work on the little pot that is going to go in it. If I get tired while doing it I will nap, I will eat or do whatever it takes to take care of myself. In some ways I am like a toddler just learning to take care of itself. All those years of worrying and carrying for children and the men of my life has left me bewildered on this whole taking care of myself thing. I am too used to pushing through the pain and thus harming my body in the long run. Baby steps, now it is time for ME.
The process of creating something beautiful gives me such Joy and Happiness, yes I capitalized those because they are so very important at this stage of my life. Sometimes it is the little things that sustain you and help you get through the tough stuff. Had I sat around the house and not done anything but surf the internet and watch videos about cute little cats and dogs I would have gotten through my day just focusing on my pain. By creating something I have something solid to hang on to, proof that I matter, that I can do something useful and it takes my focus away from the pain and exhaustion. I am still tired but now I have a reason for the exhaustion and I am happy.
Posted on September 29, 2014, in 100 Day Challenge, Health, Life and tagged Back pain, Blog 101, challenge, chronic pain, create, exhaustion, fibromyalgia, finding me, happiness, Joy. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.