Monthly Archives: October 2014

Reminder: People Need to Wake Up!

This cannot be repeated enough. DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE. DON’T READ TEXTS DON’T WRITE ‘EM. Drive only.

Little Karl's Blog

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Flying Fur From CACA To Austin

We headed east from CACA (California City, CA) with fur flying out the windows of my Chevy Blazer. Really, lots of fur. I was only semi-prepared for the amount of fur that would be flying around. My car had been vacuumed and wiped down in preparation for the trip and I knew there would be fur, of course there would be fur. Frosty is a Great Pyrenees and Lab mix so there is constantly fur everywhere. White fur that clings to every dark item of clothing that I own.

A giant purple blanket was over my back seat and his huge queen sized comforter that is his “dog bed” was on top of that. A large body pillow was tucked underneath to even out the slope of the seats and provide him with a nice soft nest to stretch out on and rawhide chews were tucked into the pouches on the backsides of the front seats within easy reach. He was all set and comfy.

It took me most of the weekend before I left to gather enough clothes to last me until January when I am scheduled to head back from Georgia to California. The heat in California and in Texas where I was planning to stop for my daughter’s reception for a week required warm weather clothing and since there were several events planned in Austin for the weekend reception I needed several outfits so as not to embarrass my daughter (this is all in my head, not what she said). Then there was the fact that Georgia during the winter can get quite cold. Remember the disaster last year when Atlanta got hit by snow? Well I do. So I stuffed my suitcases and a couple of space bags with everything from lightweight Summer clothes to heavy winter clothing and put half of it on the roof rack in a roof carrier. I was once a girl scout and I am using that for my excuse in being over prepared.

Did I mention the part about how I took 2 computers, a monitor and my 32″ TV as well? Oh, ummm yeah. I may be a little crazy. Then there is the fact that my Princess and The Pea pain issues make nearly every bed on the face of the earth painful to sleep on. At home I have a plush pillow top mattress with a 4 inch memory foam topper to sleep on. I have tried everything over the years including air mattresses, in search of something that doesn’t cause additional fibromyalgia pain and this is what I ended up with. It cost me $350 at Bed Bath and Beyond years ago even with my step-daughter’s employee discount. Even that will cause me pain if I sleep too long. Soooo, I rolled up my 4 inch topper and by sitting on it and tying excessive lengths of rope around it, managed to squeeze it into the front half of the roof rack container doohickey. It took my neighbors to lift it onto the roof. Of course it wasn’t until after I had loaded everything on the roof that I discovered the little tag that said, “Water resistant but not waterproof” on the roof rack doohickey. Sigh.

The front passenger seat had my borrowed ice chest with my yogurt and fruit mixture and a bunch of frozen water bottles and ice…..and some extra shoes….and baby wipes for my face and hands….and more bottles of water…..my purse…..my kindle with a couple of audio books and of course my iphone with more audio books and the extra chargers for both the kindle and the iphone.

I was completely packed in but Frosty was quite comfy. The plan was to make the first day the longest drive day since my energy levels should be better on the first day. Please note that I said SHOULD.

There are no shoulds. They just don’t work. There is only reality. The reality of having fibromyalgia is that you may feel okay one minute and the next be knocked on your butt with exhaustion. Then there is the issue of my back and long distance driving. I tried my best to prepare for everything and used a lumbar support to try to maintain a proper posture. I only partially succeeded with everything.

Fuel stops and potty stops became my focus. How far could I go before I had to stop and could I manage without a bathroom until I needed fuel. I had packed some tea for a caffeine fix since I had been trying to quit my Coke Zero habit. I had also packed up some apples and carrots for snacks but somehow managed to leave that bag back at home. I didn’t discover that until I was almost in Arizona. Ah well. Shit happens. I had also packed that with cans of tuna and some mayo. I am fairly sure I left the packed bag in the fridge but there is a possibility it is sitting decomposing on my kitchen counter. I guess I will find out in January when I go back home.

I started to get really hungry. No doubt this is because I had just discovered I HAD NO FOOD. Doh! So I decided to make a stop and get some lunch.

Somehow, without even knowing where I was going, I landed at Churiaco Summit, CA and the home of the General Patton Memorial Museum. Frosty was salivating more than I when we smelled the smell of grilling hamburgers. I ran into the Foster’s Freeze and grabbed a burger for me and a patty for Frosty and ran back out to the car. I wasn’t about to sit inside and eat with Frosty alone in the hot car. I jumped in and drove to the parking lot of the museum where you could clearly see a pretty awesome collection of tanks and WWII era vehicles including a fire truck. As we sat munching I looked up to see something that tickled my funny bone.

IMG_0363

They obviously take their littering seriously in Chiriaco Summit, if you don’t obey they threaten you with a TANK! Other places just fine you.

It was a cute little spot to stop at and I am actually planning on a longer stop on my way back since the temperatures will be cooler and I will be able to leave Frosty in the car for a few minutes longer. There was a cute little souvenir shop that had all sorts of shiny things to linger over and I would really like to go through the museum. January will be a perfect time to do some wandering there and I shall make sure not to litter!

The adventure begins

Leaving in the morning for my grand adventure. Driving from California to Georgia with a ginormous shedding white dog qualifies as an adventure right?

Taking a short break to gather my thoughts before I go back to packing my roof bag on the car. I figure that my clothes will survive the shedding dog better if they are packed in a bag on the rooftop of the car. Either that or I will be depositing my clothes along the highways between California and Atlanta.

Sigh, well there we go. Break is over and back to gathering the items I will need for a few MONTHS away from home.

Perhaps I will find my lost mind???

Chasing My Tail

A million things to do

Clothes to pack

Dog fur everywhere

Where is that clothes brush?

More hours are needed

My thoughts are scattered

So is my underwear

How many hats?

What will fit in each bag?

Roof rack?

Sleep, I need some of that

More dog fur

My clothes are going to smell like dog

Tires rotated

Oil changed

To wash or not the car?

Vacuum the seats or just another blanket?

Ice chest?

Food, real food, no junk

Coffee, tea, caffeine a must

Trail Mix and audiobooks

The adventure is close

Sleep first

I think I’ll try some of that

Avant Garde

Ah yes. You ask me if “From your musical tastes to your political views, were you ever way ahead of the rest of us, adopting the new and the emerging before everyone else?:.

Yes, yes indeed. When I was 9 years old I was pushed into what they then called the “Mentally Gifted Minors” program at school. I was painfully shy so being pushed to the forefront of anything was a little uncomfortable but I was always wanting to please my parents so I did my best to excel. At 10, all of the MGM students were enrolled in Speed Reading and my already voracious appetite for reading  expanded further. By the age of 11, I beat the rest of my peers in a in class competition that lasted several months. The competition? We were each given fake “money” to spend on the purchase of stocks. We each did our own research by tracking the stocks in the newspaper and at the end of the term the student that had made the most money won. Yup, that was me. The stocks? Xerox. This was in 1971.

Somewhere around 1972 or so, I met Jacques Cousteau and spoke to him personally about his creation, the aqualung. Sea exploration was changed forever and I still have the little cloth patch he gave me.

Within the next few years I met my first computer. It took up a huge amount of our small math classroom and my brain exploded with the possibilities. I was fascinated by the whole thing. It took punch cards and we learned about the room sized machines that were the cutting edge technology of the time. The company….I.B.M.

By the age of 13 I had already seen Dorothy Chandler in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Charlton Heston in The Crucible before most kids even understood what a true theatrical production was. I was entranced. I fell in love with the bigger than life feel of the theater and the magic behind those curtains. I learned the broad scope of the words “The Arts” and my soul became torn between The Arts and The Sciences.

When the first home computers came out, I was already waiting for my opportunity to program my own personal computer. I had an Atari 800 the instant I could convince my husband that this was the way of the future.

Yeah, being a woman and being computer savvy in the late 70’s early 80’s was way before the time of most men. I was in on the early “bulletinboards” and was devouring computer magazines and programming my own computer.

I was a nerd before the word was even invented. Alas, I fell into the trap that so many women before and since have done. I let go of my huge advantage over the masses and became a wife and mother and set my dreams aside. But I have always kept an eye on the techie side of things and I have no regrets over having my children…….the husbands yes….the children no.

C’est la vie

Weather Front On The Way

My phone scared the crap out of me today. I don’t know if it is an iPhone thing or a AT&T thing, but that little sucker has a LOUD buzzer on it for weather alerts.

The powers that be apparently thought that the weather warranted an emergency alert. I wonder how much money goes into these things? How much does it cost to set up the systems that detect the weather conditions? Today’s Weather alert was for dust storms but with that dust I saw a whole lot of roiling black clouds high above the wind blown dust.

I could save them a ton of money.

My body told me yesterday that things were changing. Hours before the first alert came through the pain in my body had reached epic proportions.

I remember as a child hearing my grandma say that it was going to rain because her bursitis was acting up. I had no idea what that meant exactly just that it was some sort of ache that grandma had. Over the years I heard doctors say that people couldn’t predict the weather that way, but now I know they are wrong.

Maybe it is the change in the barometric pressure, but I feel the aches, the chest pains of the costochondritis, the deep chest pain that cannot be alleviated even with my pain meds and the fibromyalgia from head to toe. I am struggling to even type and I’m pretty sure it shows that my brain isn’t 100%.  My fingers shoulders and arms ache and are clumsy on my keyboard where my fingers are usually speeding along.

The fibro fog, the pain, the exhaustion are all kicking in.  I managed to repot a bunch of houseplants to consolidate them for someone to keep an eye on while I am off on my adventure, but I am sure glad I’m not leaving today. Yesterday or the day before I would have been ready, but today, no today I could not handle it. As I can no longer handle the pain of typing right now.

So off I go taking my weather predicting body to bed where I can rest and sleep and fight again tomorrow.

One Lovely Blog Award

lovely-blog

I have two fellow bloggers to thank for a nomination for the One Lovely Blog Award. The first is Keaneonlife and the second is Carter Vail. I feel honored that both of these talented people liked my blog enough to nominate me. Take some time and check out their blogs!

The one Lovely Blog Award nominations are chosen by fellow bloggers for newer and Up-and-coming bloggers. The goal is to help give recognition and also help the new blogger to reach more viewers. It also recognises blogs that are considered to be “lovely” by the fellow bloggers who choose them.

Now for the rules.

1. Thank the person who nominated you. Thanks again to Keaneonlife and Carter Vail.

2. Add “One Lovely Blog Award” Logo.  Alrighty.

3. Share 7 facts/things about me: Okay, here goes

1) I have had many different pets over my 50 plus years. Dogs (I prefer large breed dogs), cats (I prefer long haired cats), lizards, a pregnant spider (yes really), a Green Wing macaw, a Catalina macaw, a Moluccan Cockatoo and a small Green Cheeked Conure with a Napoleon complex. Currently I share my house with a 120 lb. Great Pyrenees mix that thinks he is a lap dog. I have been having yearnings for a kitty since mine passed away last year.

2) I have had my fight with the big C (breast cancer) and won.

3) My favorite color is purple and I love shiny things. If it is shiny AND purple…..well consider it MINE!

4) I am a gamer girl. I love computers and online games. They are my guilty pleasure. I play World of Warcraft, Wildstar, Elder Scrolls Online…..well you get the picture. Yup, Grynnie is a NERD

5) I have lived in California, Mississippi, Nebraska, Hawaii, Nevada, Utah, Texas and Missouri. I am currently located in California but who knows what the future holds?

6) I collect DRAGONS. I am always on the look out for anything dragon related, windchimes, statues, book marks, whatever I can find when I am traveling. Other people collect the little spoons or state shaped magnets when traveling, but I look for some sort of dragon. It isn’t easy but the challenge is part of the fun.

7) I have been to several different therapists over the years when my personal life was getting hard to handle and more than one of the therapists encouraged me to get back to writing. One spent our sessions laughing her butt off and told me that it wasn’t me with the problems, it was the rest of the world. (She still took my money)

4. Nominate 15 bloggers who I admire and inform them by commenting on their blogs. This is a hard one. To pick 15 bloggers I started checking out a lot of the blogs I follow and found quite a few had already been nominated. So I have been doing a lot of reading of new blogs that I haven’t seen before. This requires me to read multiple entries because yeah, I really do read the blogs. I don’t just click follow randomly, I READ. So here goes!

1) Living Life With Chronic Illnesses

2) Fibrodreamer2014

3) God’s Whisper Farm

4) Clowie’s Corner

5) The Life and Times of Miss Lilly

6) Shepherds Grove

7) home is what you make it

8) One flew over the Sterling nest

9) My own private Idaho

10) Slowboat

11) The Road Taken

12) Morning Rounds

13) Heart of a Traveller

14) The Professor & Her Garden

15) The Universe According to Charlie

Midnight Madness – Part One

I am not sure what it is about me, but I somehow manage to attract crazies or people in crazy situations and last night was more of the same.

Night time is my time. Mornings are horrible for me. My Princess and the Pea Syndrome hits hard before noon.  Once I have taken my meds the creaking and groaning of my body commences and after a few hours I am able to partially function. I absolutely do not make any appointments before noon unless I am forced to. So I am usually up during the late night hours and frequently go to bed after 3 a.m.

Last night was more of the usual. Frosty was patrolling the back yard, this is a job he takes very seriously and there are some nights that I cannot get him to come back in. He hates 2 things with a passion. The first thing is sirens. He really hates those and will sometimes cry the most pathetic sound you can hear from a ginormous pup like him. The second thing is coyotes.

Frosty is a rescue. They told me that he had been found wandering around out in the desert and he weighed only (hey, he is a tall dog!) 75 lbs when I got him. He was very skinny for his height and was full of parasites. It cost me about $150 to remedy the parasite issue but I love him to death and he adores me and is very protective. VERY. I have a chain link fence around my entire back yard. There is not much behind me but desert brush and a few dirt roads over there is one house. It really is mostly open desert behind me and it is a well known coyote hunting path. I see them often at dusk and early in the morning and they drive Frosty absolutely nuts. My working theory is that he had some run ins with coyotes when he was wandering around in the desert. If he scents them he will start barking. If there are none in the area he will patrol the perimeter of the yard, come in to check on me, then go back out and patrol some more. Recently my next door neighbors acquired a bunch of chickens. Oh joy, not only do they have a weird idea of what morning is (they start crowing at about 3 a.m.) but they are like coyote magnets. The neighbors should be glad Frosty is here or I am pretty sure those coyotes would be having chicken dinner.

During the day he is a couch potato and will either be laying on his love seat or laying on my feet on the floor. He hardly ever barks during the day. He will get excited if people actually ring the doorbell but one look at him and solicitors run for the hills. He is a very intimidating presence to some people just due to his size. I kind of like it that way.

It isn’t that I don’t like people. I do, when I am out and about. I just don’t like them showing up at my door at midnight. Especially if I don’t know them, have never met them or been told about them or whatever. I really don’t know too many people that look at a midnight visitor as a welcome intrusion…..unless maybe a person of the opposite sex with a naughty visit planned….okay, that was my fantasy…sigh….now back to reality.

So I was reading up on some blogs I follow and considering what I was going to be working on next. Frosty was barking his fool head off and I was just about to go out and see if he had something in particular bugging him or if a coyote was just getting too close to the fence.

Knock, knock, knock. Somebody was pounding on my heavy duty screen door at the front of my house. I usually open up my house at night to let it cool down without running my air conditioner. I live i the desert but for those of you not familiar with the High Desert of California, we get some darn cold nights in the fall and winter. Once the sun goes down it goes from 90 to 65 pretty darn fast. It doesn’t usually take too long to cool the house down and I like it a little chilly when I go to sleep. But I am also a bit cautious and even though my front door is open I have one of those heavy duty barred screen doors meant to keep people out and dogs from destroying it.

There is never anything good that comes from a visitor past 10 p.m. in my experience. I found a strange woman standing there. It was pretty obvious that she was very upset and she was visibly shaking. She was also holding a cigarette. Bleh. I thought that maybe she was here to complain about Frosty barking. He was pretty agitated and after She started babbling out her story I realized he had probably been barking because of the turmoil this woman was going through and the fighting that had started a few desert blocks over.

Her story was not unfamiliar to me unfortunately. She began telling me that she lived a few streets over and had gotten into an altercation with her adult son. He is schizophrenic. THIS I understand. My step-son was diagnosed as schizophrenic when he was only 14 years old. I have lived with the heartache that comes when someone you love turns into someone you don’t know and suddenly terrifies you. She told me that he began tearing up her house demanding things that she didn’t understand and cut her phone lines and took her purse.  She said he urinated on her carpets and she was afraid for her life. There is something about night time and schizophrenia. It gets worse at night.

She asked me to call for help. I did. I took a chance on her and let her in the house. Normally I wouldn’t do that but obviously this was not a normal situation in any way. I had 911 on the phone before I opened the door and let her in. I also shut my front door and locked it in case the schizophrenic son had followed her. I brought Frosty in and locked the back door as well and we hunkered down waiting for the police. I had a bit of a dejavu feeling and thought of my step-son. He was all I could think of even as she babbled her story over my iPhone to the police.

Mental illness is so hard for friends and family to understand and sometimes the people that need the help just don’t  get it. The person that is suffering from schizophrenia is frequently unable to function well enough on their own to get themselves help. It is heartbreaking and it is more common than a lot of people know. It can also be hereditary. This I knew from personal experience. My husband’s ex was also schizophrenic and I had experienced some of the horrible results back when we were originally dating. She would show up at my house in the middle of the night screaming and yelling and was totally irrational. She was and still is, a scary person. In her case she was also a meth addict and had been diagnosed as schizophrenic when she was a teen from what I understand. I’m not sure why she was never hospitalized and given help or maybe she was and I just never heard the details.

My step-son was a sweet kid when I met him at the age of 9 and we were buddies. When I started noticing the unusual behavior he had just turned 14. It is not unusual for puberty to trigger schizophrenia. In his case the worst started showing up when he was at school. He got suspended for stabbing sharpened pencils into the seats of the school bus he rode on when we lived in Las Vegas. It was the odd outbursts and the strange hand motions and things he said that had me insisting that he be evaluated by a doctor. My husband fought me every step of the way. He did not want to admit that there was anything wrong with his son.

At first he was very open with the doctors. He told them that he could read minds and that he heard the thoughts of everybody around him. He thought he had super powers. This was back when the Sci Fi show Roswell was on television. The show centered around a group of alien teens that had landed in Roswell and somehow the show managed to get into my step-son. In the show the alien teens had different taste buds and frequently poured massive amounts of hot sauce on their food. He started eating everything with Tabasco on it. He told the psychiatrist that he thought he was an alien and we were hiding his real heritage from him.

The problems at the school increased. He would suddenly strike out at fellow students thinking that he heard them saying stuff about him. My husband continued to be in denial and I fought as hard as I could to get him help. My husband accused me of “picking” on him and kept saying that he could beat this problem if he put his mind to it. He didn’t “believe in”  psychiatrists, psychologists and medications for mental illness. I continued to fight him on his son’s behalf. It took its tole on our marriage.

The older he got, the worse the schizophrenia became. While we lived in Las Vegas I was also fighting for my own life and battling breast cancer. My nights were spent working in a casino and my days were spent grabbing sleep here and there and getting to my doctors and chemo treatments, then radiation and trying to get help for my step-son as well. During this period my own son was beaten with a belt by his biological father and I found myself involved in a court fight when I refused to let him see him without getting counseling himself. He also suffered from mental illness that I believe was brought on by drugs he did way back in the 1970’s. When my son’s biological father showed up for the meeting with the counselor….well they ended up calling 911 on him back then. It is everywhere. So many damaged people from so many things.

I know there were a lot of things that should have been handled differently. I felt like I was battling alone. I loved my step-kids. They were my kids from the time they were 3, 6 and 9. Their mother had nothing to do with them from 1993 on. Our years in Vegas were hard ones for me. There were some good memories from the first few years but once the cancer hit I was trying my best to just keep my head above water. My husband had an alcoholic father that would get drunk and hit him as a child to correct him. He was determined to be the exact opposite of his own father and took the position that anything the kids did was on them because it was their lives and they would learn from their own mistakes. My position was that we were the parents and it was up to us to guide them and correct them. It was a constant battle. I was trying to fight for their well being and yet I was always the bad guy. They thought I was being mean, I was trying to be a good mom and employee and stay alive.

That first year of the big C, my daughter was pregnant and having difficulties with her pregnancy. She and her husband lived in Henderson, a suburb of Las Vegas. We consulted each other frequently and tried to support each other through our mutual doctor appointments. I had kids at home and my step-son’s issues and I was pretty sure I was going to lose my mind as well. I regret not being more open with all of my kids and step-kids about the pain and agony I was going through at the time. All they knew was that I snapped at them over things like getting their chores done and school work and would be cross over that they didn’t understand. At first when we were trying to deal with the schizophrenia the rest of my kids and step-kids thought it was kind of funny. They would tease him and go along with his delusions of his super powers. Even my husband would poke fun at him when he would start telling them that he knew what they were thinking and when he would spend 3 hours in the bathroom….in the dark….in the bathtub…because he thought he was creating fireballs in his hands.

My husband seldom participated in any of the counseling that my step-son went to. He didn’t take him to appointments, I did. Then came the big fight. I don’t know what started it, but we had been having a lot of problems with aggression from my step-son. This is pretty common. Imagine if you had voices in your head constantly telling you that everyone around you was out to get you. He would thrust his chest out and bunch up his fists and push you. When he took his meds things would calm down. But just getting the meds into him was a war with my husband. I had to leave it to him to get his son to take the meds because I was heading to work late at night when he needed to take his meds at bed time.

All I knew later was that my step-son had started getting aggressive and supposedly swung his skateboard at my husband. There was a knock down drag out fight and my step-son ended up with a black eye and was thrown out of the house. He was 17 by then. He moved in with his girlfriend and her mother and out of our house. I was horrified by the whole thing but had no control over any of it.

I had multiple conversations with the girlfriend’s mother who herself believed that he shouldn’t be on meds, he needed a good church. This was along the lines of what my husband believed. He was Catholic and thought that maybe a priest could exorcise the demons that were tormenting his son. I cried a lot during that time.. We were in the process of a job transfer to Northern Utah for my husband and I was still trying to recover from all of the medical treatments and get my health back. So we left Las Vegas and moved to Northern Utah, leaving my step-son behind.

 

Naked and Afraid – WTF is Wrong With People?

First let me say that this is the first I have heard of this. Perhaps this has been around for awhile and I was just ignorant of its existence. For this I am profoundly grateful. Once having seen it, I can never get it erased from my mind or scrubbed from my eyeballs.

I do not have “regular” television. By regular I mean Cable, Satellite or normal broadcast television through the airwaves. No, I had to make a choice between eating or television and since television alone cannot sustain life, I chose to eat.I do maintain my internet (albeit subpar)

So somewhere along the way I umm “missed”? this Discovery Channel show, Naked and Afraid. Now really people….was this show REALLY necessary? Is there some sort of lesson here? Do we really need to see the awkwardness of two random NAKED strangers (1 male and 1 female) being thrown together in the wilderness? Didn’t they already cover awkward nakedness in the first season of Survivor?

Well now though you have two awkward naked people and there is even detailed discussions of “morning wood”. [facepalm]

I’m not 100% sure as to how I ended up on the Discovery Channel website. I think it started with Spiders, but who knows? The internet can suck you in and suddenly you have no recollection as to where the past 4 hours went…..or maybe that is just me.

At any rate I ended up staring with rather horrified fascination as two apparently random strangers met (or rather several sets of naked couples met) in these apparently harsh and dangerous locales. From the brief clips shown it seems that some of the men were actually MARRIED men and no, they weren’t married to the naked women. I don’t know too many woman that would agree to that no matter how much they “trust” their husbands.

So they toss in one man and one woman, have them strip then walk in various wilderness locales and “meet” each other then attempt to survive together – NAKED.

Now personally you would have to pay me to walk around my own house naked. I don’t do naked in front of windows and barely can stand naked getting ready to take a shower. But then I have a 54 year old body that has been attacked by cancer surgery and time. Pretty sure any naked action in the future is gonna require alcohol and a very dark room……and maybe a city wide blackout…..and lunar eclipse.

So just the idea of Naked outside in the SUNLIGHT well, um NO. Granted the few couples that I saw on this (oh the important parts were blurred out on the screen) seemed to be for the most part youngish and the women were thinner than the guys. I’m not sure why that was or is it that guys just like to swing everything in the breeze more than women and don’t care what they look like or if they are just missing a few or all of the modesty genes. It was almost as if they were setting these rather ordinary guys up with at least semi decent women to see if they could umm get a rise out of them.

Just watching this made me feel a little like Gomez Addams just waiting to push the plunger controlling the train wreck.

There Is A Missing Man, Now I Know Where He Is

There was a familiar face on our televisions for years. He snuck in between favorite television shows and was familiar to many a stay at home mom. His sad face as he stared dejectedly at the telephone that never seemed to ring was like seeing a familiar family member. He slowly aged yet that phone never rang.

I realized where he went just today.

He ran for the hills because he knew a million frustrated housewives (and househusbands…..) are out to kick his lying ass for fibbing to us all those years!

Who is he? The freaking Maytag Repairman! That bastard. All those years of claiming to be sooo darn lonely because he never got called to fix a Maytag appliance. It was all a big fat hairy LIE! Maytag sucks beyond belief. And I suck for buying into the lie!

I have been fighting with my washer for awhile now. First it wouldn’t spin, then it wouldn’t drain and spin. Then it would drain on one cycle but not another. The first few times I thought it was a fluke. Then it started happening more often. I thought it was just the heavy cycle so I stopped using that. Then it wouldn’t spin on the “casual” cycle.

Then I would open the darn thing and it would be full of water. I would put it on the drain and spin and have to drain it but the clothes would still have soap so I tried the rinse and spin but no. That wouldn’t work at all. WTF?

The darn thing would make all sorts of clicking and clacking and lock then unlock noises. Lights would flash both red and green and I consulted Maytag. I hate Maytag. They talk to you like you are obviously slow.

“My washer won’t drain and spin.” Me

“Is it plugged in?” evil Maytag woman

“Of course it is plugged in.”  well duh

“Does it fill with water?” evil Maytag woman

“Why do you think I want it to drain?” ummm another duh

“Does the Lid Lock Light come on?” (by the way, that is almost impossible to say without twisting your tongue, but she made it sound easy)

“you mean the annoying red light? Yeah that sucker comes on and off and on and off and makes lots of clicking noise then stays on after the rest of the machine shuts off and holds my clothes hostage inside. I had to unplug the machine to get it to turn off then plug it back in and then it went off and unlocked the lid.”

“Well there you go” she says

“What?”

“That’s probably the problem.”

“WHAT?” I know that she heard me, but I had to raise my voice to let some of the steam escape lest my brain explode.

Now she is speaking slowly again

“That was probably the problem, your lid lock light lights up when the lid is locked and that is the noise you hear.”

By now I want to bang my head against the wall or better yet bang her head against the wall. I am gritting my teeth and I can already feel the clicking in my jaw.

“That wasn’t the problem, the problem is that my clothes are very, very wet and I don’t want to burn out my MAYTAG FREAKING DRYER because my clothes are too wet.”

Heavy sigh on her end. “Ma’am the light indicating the lid is locking is lighting up and the lid is locking and unlocking so the washer won’t spin when it is off.”

Huh?

Now me, slowly….”Soooo, you are saying that the lit lid locking light means that it can spin and if the lid locking light isn’t lit then it can’t spin?” I was really proud that I actually got that out…..I’m pathetic.

“Exactly.”

“So you are saying that it is a faulty switch?” Me

“Possibly, or it could be the board”.

Now I am a total nerd so I know that once we start talking computer boards I might as well buy a new washer and since this one had been purchased new 3 years ago and had only washed my clothes for 3 years all my faith in that lonely repairman flew straight out the window. That bastard.

She rather smugly informed me that my washer was no longer covered by warranty but I could pay $75 for a repairman to come out to investigate the matter and that if it was the board they could credit the $75 toward a new washer or toward the parts should I give the go ahead to make a repair.

I declined and turned to Youtube. I almost wished I hadn’t. I found complaint after complaint about the Maytag Centenniel Commercial Washer FOR THE EXACT SAME THING.

How is this possible? It is obviously a known issue but apparently I am not the only person that was tricked by those lonely Maytag Repairman commercials. That bastard…..gonna keep saying it…..makes me feel better.

I did learn that I can run a self diagnostic test (which was fun…nerd remember?) and after messing with it a bit I got it working and managed to reset it. I have no doubt I am going to continue to have additional problems with it but thanks to Youtube I now know how to replace the lid locking assembly all by myself and I now know that if the lid locking light isn’t lit I need to fiddle with the lid locking mechanism until the lid locking light is lit.

I need to go take some aspirin now.