There Is A Missing Man, Now I Know Where He Is

There was a familiar face on our televisions for years. He snuck in between favorite television shows and was familiar to many a stay at home mom. His sad face as he stared dejectedly at the telephone that never seemed to ring was like seeing a familiar family member. He slowly aged yet that phone never rang.

I realized where he went just today.

He ran for the hills because he knew a million frustrated housewives (and househusbands…..) are out to kick his lying ass for fibbing to us all those years!

Who is he? The freaking Maytag Repairman! That bastard. All those years of claiming to be sooo darn lonely because he never got called to fix a Maytag appliance. It was all a big fat hairy LIE! Maytag sucks beyond belief. And I suck for buying into the lie!

I have been fighting with my washer for awhile now. First it wouldn’t spin, then it wouldn’t drain and spin. Then it would drain on one cycle but not another. The first few times I thought it was a fluke. Then it started happening more often. I thought it was just the heavy cycle so I stopped using that. Then it wouldn’t spin on the “casual” cycle.

Then I would open the darn thing and it would be full of water. I would put it on the drain and spin and have to drain it but the clothes would still have soap so I tried the rinse and spin but no. That wouldn’t work at all. WTF?

The darn thing would make all sorts of clicking and clacking and lock then unlock noises. Lights would flash both red and green and I consulted Maytag. I hate Maytag. They talk to you like you are obviously slow.

“My washer won’t drain and spin.” Me

“Is it plugged in?” evil Maytag woman

“Of course it is plugged in.”  well duh

“Does it fill with water?” evil Maytag woman

“Why do you think I want it to drain?” ummm another duh

“Does the Lid Lock Light come on?” (by the way, that is almost impossible to say without twisting your tongue, but she made it sound easy)

“you mean the annoying red light? Yeah that sucker comes on and off and on and off and makes lots of clicking noise then stays on after the rest of the machine shuts off and holds my clothes hostage inside. I had to unplug the machine to get it to turn off then plug it back in and then it went off and unlocked the lid.”

“Well there you go” she says


“That’s probably the problem.”

“WHAT?” I know that she heard me, but I had to raise my voice to let some of the steam escape lest my brain explode.

Now she is speaking slowly again

“That was probably the problem, your lid lock light lights up when the lid is locked and that is the noise you hear.”

By now I want to bang my head against the wall or better yet bang her head against the wall. I am gritting my teeth and I can already feel the clicking in my jaw.

“That wasn’t the problem, the problem is that my clothes are very, very wet and I don’t want to burn out my MAYTAG FREAKING DRYER because my clothes are too wet.”

Heavy sigh on her end. “Ma’am the light indicating the lid is locking is lighting up and the lid is locking and unlocking so the washer won’t spin when it is off.”


Now me, slowly….”Soooo, you are saying that the lit lid locking light means that it can spin and if the lid locking light isn’t lit then it can’t spin?” I was really proud that I actually got that out…..I’m pathetic.


“So you are saying that it is a faulty switch?” Me

“Possibly, or it could be the board”.

Now I am a total nerd so I know that once we start talking computer boards I might as well buy a new washer and since this one had been purchased new 3 years ago and had only washed my clothes for 3 years all my faith in that lonely repairman flew straight out the window. That bastard.

She rather smugly informed me that my washer was no longer covered by warranty but I could pay $75 for a repairman to come out to investigate the matter and that if it was the board they could credit the $75 toward a new washer or toward the parts should I give the go ahead to make a repair.

I declined and turned to Youtube. I almost wished I hadn’t. I found complaint after complaint about the Maytag Centenniel Commercial Washer FOR THE EXACT SAME THING.

How is this possible? It is obviously a known issue but apparently I am not the only person that was tricked by those lonely Maytag Repairman commercials. That bastard…..gonna keep saying it…..makes me feel better.

I did learn that I can run a self diagnostic test (which was fun…nerd remember?) and after messing with it a bit I got it working and managed to reset it. I have no doubt I am going to continue to have additional problems with it but thanks to Youtube I now know how to replace the lid locking assembly all by myself and I now know that if the lid locking light isn’t lit I need to fiddle with the lid locking mechanism until the lid locking light is lit.

I need to go take some aspirin now.


About Grynnie

I am a 50 something woman restarting her life with a new found sense of joy and freedom. Life is to be enjoyed and is a grand adventure. Who knows what will happen next? Oh yeah, did I mention that I have also been, a daughter, a mother, a wife (twice) but who is counting, an oyster opening jewelry maker, a nursing assistant, a legal secretary, a casino worker, a ski resort worker and a banker. No wonder I get a little confuzzled at times and get distracted by the shinies and fuzzies in the world while I am busy chasing rainbows. I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Oh, well you don't think I had all those jobs in the same place did you? I have lived in (takes a deep breath) California, Mississippi, Nebraska, Hawaii, California (again), Nevada, Utah, Texas, Missouri and am now back in California yet again.

Posted on October 10, 2014, in Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. God, did she really ask you if it was plugged in?? What a dolt!
    Damn Maytag repairman – that bastard!!
    You did good!

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