My phone scared the crap out of me today. I don’t know if it is an iPhone thing or a AT&T thing, but that little sucker has a LOUD buzzer on it for weather alerts.
The powers that be apparently thought that the weather warranted an emergency alert. I wonder how much money goes into these things? How much does it cost to set up the systems that detect the weather conditions? Today’s Weather alert was for dust storms but with that dust I saw a whole lot of roiling black clouds high above the wind blown dust.
I could save them a ton of money.
My body told me yesterday that things were changing. Hours before the first alert came through the pain in my body had reached epic proportions.
I remember as a child hearing my grandma say that it was going to rain because her bursitis was acting up. I had no idea what that meant exactly just that it was some sort of ache that grandma had. Over the years I heard doctors say that people couldn’t predict the weather that way, but now I know they are wrong.
Maybe it is the change in the barometric pressure, but I feel the aches, the chest pains of the costochondritis, the deep chest pain that cannot be alleviated even with my pain meds and the fibromyalgia from head to toe. I am struggling to even type and I’m pretty sure it shows that my brain isn’t 100%. My fingers shoulders and arms ache and are clumsy on my keyboard where my fingers are usually speeding along.
The fibro fog, the pain, the exhaustion are all kicking in. I managed to repot a bunch of houseplants to consolidate them for someone to keep an eye on while I am off on my adventure, but I am sure glad I’m not leaving today. Yesterday or the day before I would have been ready, but today, no today I could not handle it. As I can no longer handle the pain of typing right now.
So off I go taking my weather predicting body to bed where I can rest and sleep and fight again tomorrow.
Life is freaking scary when you have lived with other people your entire life and suddenly you find yourself ALONE.
When I was a child it was a full house, 5 kids with me as the oldest and my parents. From that time on I have always been living with someone. First my family, then a husband and children, divorce (another scary thing) and then it was me and my children. Another marriage, blended family then POOF! The kids are all grown and now another divorce and I am alone.
The funny thing is that there are so many other people out there like me that in our individual struggles with this new single condition we are the same. Many of us are fighting the same battles and are reaching out to others for help in dealing with life and the echoing emptiness of our homes.
But there is something else that I realized after many months of being alone. I now have FREEDOM. If I want to soak in the bathtub and read a good book there is nobody pounding on the door demanding my time and attention. For years everybody else came first before I could do anything for myself. The demands of being a wife and mother, dealing with breast cancer and juggling bills, a business, doctors, school meetings for the kids, etc., etc., etc.
Somewhere along the line I lost myself. Really lost myself. The dreams from when I was younger of being a writer, a painter, a computer programmer…….yeah I had a lot of interests when I was younger, all those dreams had disappeared. My high school teachers thought I should be all of the above (depending on which teacher you were talking to) but I gave up my dreams to support my first husband in his dreams and raise kids. Then the divorce and years of struggles, stresses, laughter and tears. A roller coaster of a life that sometimes had my therapists laughing and me crying.
Now I have hit Ctrl, Alt, Del. on my life and am rebooting the life computer. Everything is new and shiny and bright. Well, okay, so not everything but then life is what you make of it and I want to LIVE. I know I am not alone in this, there are so many other people out there just like me, starting over at 50. Maybe my experiences and views will help somebody even if it is just to make them laugh and brighten their day.
There is no map for this journey but it is all such a grand adventure that I am ready to get started. For years I have been gathering friends from all over the world via the internet and through real life meetings. Somewhere along the way I picked up the nickname of Grynnie (pronounced like grinny) and it is sticking rather well. So I am starting this new life as Grynnie and am off to seek adventure and shiny things.
Through this blog I hope to connect with others to share experiences, hopes and fears and laughter. Laughter is the glue that holds me together most of the time and brings brightness to gloomy days.
I am Grynnie, come with me on my journey.