It has been a couple of years since I set aside my blogging to pursue other things to keep my hands and brain busy. It hasn’t worked out so well.
I am a creative soul and while Frosty and I were on our grand adventure traveling across the country to Georgia and back, I took up creating jewelry made from beads, wire and special beading wires and threads. I loved it. I created some beautiful pieces that made some of my family and friends happy but unfortunately the expense outweighed any profits. I sold only a few pieces to a nurse at my doctor’s office and to some relations by marriage.
I really do enjoy making the jewelry and wear it often when I leave my house and am running errands. I get compliments and have had people ask for my number so they can buy jewelry from me. Unfortunately they never call and order anything and the money I put out for tools and materials far outweighed the amount I collected. It is therapeutic to create and it does help calm me to go through the process but it doesn’t help my bank balance in the least.
My health has not improved, I am still on disability with Fibromyalgia, degenerative disk disease, osteoporosis, a bad knee that I haven’t even bothered to get a doctor to look at yet, depression and since I last blogged now a brand new diagnosis of Breast Cancer (again). It has been 17 years since I had my first diagnosis of Breast Cancer and many things have changed since then. I now live alone, my kids are all now grown and live scattered around the United States, the closest one being about 2 hours from my house.
My financial situation is worse in that my bills have increased but my disability payments have not and my ex-husband refuses to comply with the court ordered support payments that he personally signed in front of a judge in open court. The last contact I had with him he said he might possibly have some money in APRIL of next year. Our divorce is not yet final since that requires more paperwork, more ink for my printer and more courage and fortitude than I currently seem to have. I am working on that.
Depression is something that I fight with and when I sat down and thought back over the past few years I realized that I was happier when I was blogging. It helped me vent, it helped me think and plan and overall kept some of the depression at bay.
Now I am facing multiple surgeries, a double mastectomy and reconstruction. I have a long road ahead of recovery and pain. My financial situation is dire and food is becoming hard to come by. Each month I get my disability on the 3rd and pay my utilities, gas, electricity, water, internet, 2 credit cards, insurance for my car and house and of course my mortgage payment. All of that on $1029 per month. By the time my bills are paid I am hard pressed to buy food. My pride gets in the way a bit and my location makes even finding a food bank a difficult thing. I am in Kern county and the main food bank is in Bakersfield 70 miles away.
Last year I made some Hamburger Helper and stretched out the portions to cover me through Thanksgiving. My ex taunted me and sent me a text saying they were going out for Mexican food the day after Thanksgiving when I sent him a message begging for my support money. My youngest son did one of those GoFundMe things and raised about $400 to get me groceries for December and I was so very grateful. I bought a turkey and froze the cooked meat to get me through December and into January.
This year isn’t looking very bright. I find myself hoping that they schedule my mastectomy right before Thanksgiving so I get a good meal. Pathetic I know but that is the truth. After breaking down a few times alone in my house with just a cat and a dog for company I decided to work on my mental health by starting to blog again.
So here it is, me blogging to keep my sanity and maybe share with others that find themselves in similar situations.
The Sisterhood of the World of Bloggers Award
Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award
I would like to thank Josefine for nominating me for the sisterhood of the world bloggers award.
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site.
2. Put the award logo on your blog.
3. Answer the ten questions they have set you.
4. Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Nominate ten people.
My answers to Josefine’s questions:
1. Your house is burning, you have 60 seconds to get out of the house before it collapses. What do you grab and take with you?
Oh this is an easy one! I would grab Frosty my beloved dog, because nothing is as precious as a life. If I was able to scoop up my laptop at the same time I would grab that too so I could communicate with my peeps and describe the drama of the whole thing.
2. What is your favorite place in this universe? Why?
I pondered this question for a bit because I have been to so many places throughout my life but the one place that has always resonated deep inside me is the Valley of the Temples on the island of Oahu in Hawaii. I lived in Hawaii for awhile in the late 70’s early 80’s time period and it never failed to bring a deep feeling of peace and joy to me.
3. If you could give one piece of advice to the human race, what would it be?
Love each other. Release the hate you hang on to and let yourself love.
4. Would you want to live forever, given the chance? Why?
No, I believe there is something bigger and better after this life. This life is all one big lesson. Learn the lesson and you will find joy and happiness in the next life.
5. What is your favorite resource for personal development? Why?
This one kind of made me giggle but it is actually true……O magazine!!! Putting aside the fashion and material things inside, Oprah has many inspirational and motivational tips with everything from meditation and yoga to herbal remedies and health tips. It was actually Oprah’s old TV show (in 1985) that gave me the courage to step out of my abusive marriage and start life over. I will forever be grateful to her for that.
6. If you could eradicate one ‘problem’ of/from the human race, what would it be and why?
Intolerance and Hate. Putting aside the physical issues resulting from the terrible things we have done to our planet that have resulted in pollution and destruction of natural resources, I think that the anger and hatred in this world will lead to its ultimate destruction. It saddens me to see the violence and destruction that comes with all this hatred.
7. Have you told the 5 most important people in your life that you love them today? If your answer is no, you better go do it now!
No I haven’t, but now that you mention it………….(toddles off to locate her missing cell phone)
8. What is something that you have done, that required the most courage (yet) in your life?
Moved from California to Las Vegas to restart my life with only the money in my pocket and faith. It was a very difficult time in my life and it required a lot of courage and a whole lot of Creative Visualization. (look it up, you will be glad you did)
9. Who are you?
I am flawed but I am honest and I am true to myself. I don’t believe that lies get you anywhere and take care to live my life so that when I close my eyes each night I will feel no shame for any actions I have taken each day. That is all you really have when it is said and done, the possessions mean nothing because you won’t be taking them with you to your next life. You have only YOU.
10. What is the craziest thing you have ever done?
Oh jeez…..I plead the 5th. I choose to not answer this question on the grounds that it may incriminate me…(and embarrass my children)
Ok so now that I have confessed to my deep dark secrets, it’s time for my nominations and questions so that other people can do the same!
Here are MY questions for my nominations, most aren’t too deep but they are fun and I believe that every one needs some fun and laughter in their lives. Muah ha ha ha ha. Since I am new to blogging it may take me a bit to find others to nominate, but I will post them as I find ’em. 😀
1. Dogs or Cats? Or does a more exotic pet appeal to you?
2. What is your favorite (we aren’t counting calories here) dessert? Describe the ideal setting for you to enjoy it.
3. You are the leading lady in a new movie, who would be your first choice for leading man? Second choice?
4. What is your favorite type of romantic fiction, a novel, television or a movie?
5. Do you still believe in love and have you found it?
6. What is your favorite color and where in your life do you use it the most?
7. How often do you cook? Really, no cheating here, do you cook, share the cooking, or are you a fast food junkie?
8. Where would you go on your dream vacation and who would go with you? (If you have kids pretend the dream vacation either comes with a Nanny to stay at home with them or bring them with you, it is YOUR dream)
9. What makes you happiest?
10. Do you tweet? (I have twitter but I can never say anything short enough to put on there!)
Here are the links to my nominations. Have fun!
Layered Pages http://about.me/layeredpages
Sarah Kennedy http://sarahkennedybooks.com/
Redmon Woods http://redmonwoods.com/
The Billy Tea https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/42615304/
Shamelessly Shannon https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/66602431/
Brittany Likes Nachos https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/71693233/
The Green Pants https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/73431409/
A Journey of Acceptance with a Chronic Disease https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/62268022/